Why Did Your Last Relationship End?

This is a lose lose question. As a dating coach, I preach the Gospel…. do not ever ask this question on a first, second or third date. At some point, if (and that’s a very big if) if the dating turns towards the relationship zone, then the answer to this question will likely rear its head, ugly or not. The point is, most people who ask this question while on a date are usually amateurs of the dating world, but not always. The person answering this question, more often than not, will avoid demonising themselves however as opportunity would have it, they will demonise their ex. For this reason, the question of “Why Did Your Last Relationship End” is and always will be a very very bad question to ask. Too me, it a trap question because speaking ill of your ex is a reflection of your character but, speaking ill of yourself is something most (if not all) will most certainly try to avoid.

So many people get this wrong almost every time. The solution is simple, just don’t ask the question. On the flip side of this, the best way to answer this question is also quite simple… my recommendation is to say that “the breakup was amicable and the choice of both people”, end of story. Don’t ever say that “You Grew Apart”, because that will just open Pandora’s Box… and it’s usually accompanied by dishonest answers. Unfortunately, I hear time and time again that the person answering this question feels compelled to place most of, if not all of the blame on their ex. This is a tragic error made by many people. Believe me when I tell you, accepting accountability, or part of, is a form of social maturity. It works to your advantage in the dating world. Remember, nobody is perfect, not even you. Demonizing your ex, does not work. So, if you’re hoping for a second or third date with the same person, do not belittle your ex during a Q and A session. It’s makes you look bad on many levels.

In my many years of being a dating coach, I’ve witnessed people lose themselves in the moment when presented with this horrible question. The temptation to strike like a venomous snake at your ex can be overwhelming and opportunistic. It is a terrible thing to do.

Be accountable. Date smart. 

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