Nick Davies’ Top 7 Tips For Millennial Dating
Although it can feel like things are getting more difficult out there, there are solutions!
1) Don’t Be Yourself – Be your BEST self. Remember dating is like advertising your car for sale. You wouldn’t lie about it hopefully, but you’d wash and polish it, then take a photo in the best light. So make sure you show up looking your best, you’re selling yourself and we judge people unconsciously first, by the way they look. The limbic system in the brain is designed to keep us safe and reproduce to keep our species alive, so it will analyse a person based on the way they look in the first few seconds. We’re not likely to be chemically attracted to a mate who looks like they couldn’t hold down a job or isn’t kind to people, but we’re also attracted to partners who are exciting and fun as these skills are the ‘glue that gets you through’ difficult times.
2) Increase Your Value – Instead of steamrolling into asking someone out, remember we’re programmed to enjoy the chase and this is how value is created, the more we have to work for something the greater amount of dopamine our internal reward system gives us, this is why diamonds are worth so much more than cut glass. It’s far better to steadily build a relationship over a period of time, starting with good rapport, shared interests and playful behaviour whilst testing to see the response from your date by reading the body language.
3) Learn to Read Body Language – Whenever we communicate we get an unconscious response first called a “Microexpression” which cannot be suppressed like normal emotions and lasts just under half a second. So if you said or did something your date disliked watch out for a facial expression similar to the one you’d make after taking a sip from a really bitter drink and trying to hide your distaste, and conversely look out for smiles they are trying to suppress. Women generally flick their hair showing their neck or show the inside of their wrists when they are attracted as these areas contain major arteries, when shown to you it’s a major signal of attraction and trust as they are showing their most vulnerable parts.
4) Give Them Space – When people feel uncomfortable they also back away or their body language closes inwards to protect themselves, never lean in or move forward as it just feels creepy. Move back and give them some space, if they like you they’ll close the gap.
5) Set Your Boundaries Early – I see so many clients who are upset because of the way someone has treated them, but when I ask if they’ve told the other person, they mostly say no. It’s important to learn to communicate how you feel about how someone has behaved towards you in a calm, assertive manner. And if the person fails to respond after being told time after time, walk away!
6) Test the Heat – If you communicate directly you are going to get a yes or no response, but if you communicate indirectly you can find out if they have feelings for you. A question such as “How do you know when you really like someone?” will create an unconscious response where, if they have started to have feelings for you, they will pause and you will see their eyes dart around parts of your body while they unconscious assess your physical suitability. If they’ve made up their mind already your not a good fit for them, they’ll usually tell you immediately and you can reply with “Oh I didn’t mean me!” to soften the blow and maintain your pride.
7) Work on Your Nerves – The number one emotion that I find is misread as ‘weird’ or ‘odd’ is nervousness, or it’s correct name anxiety…and for a very good reason. From an evolutionary perspective when we lived in clans, someone who was nervous would not provide as much to the group as someone who was confident or even a bigger risk taker who was likely to bring home the best food or resources, this is often why “Bad Boy” characters can be so appealing to women, but sadly in today’s society they offer very little apart from disappointment and heartache. If you do meet someone nervous, give them a second chance as once they relax you’ll see the ‘real’ them. If you want to work on your dating anxiety here is a technique I created :
BLAST™ “Tapping” – Self-Care Protocol – 4:
1) Sit back in a comfortable chair with your arms and legs uncrossed, take a few moments to relax with the thoughts, feelings and/or emotions before you begin.
2) Firstly assess and write down your significant level of discomfort (SUD) from zero to ten (zero being no discomfort and ten being the worst you can imagine).
3) Tap on your forehead above each eyebrow alternately 10 times each counting out loud
4) Now tap on both cheekbones alternately 10 times each counting out loud
5) Then tap on the front of your chin either side 10 times each counting out loud
6) Now tap on your collar bones (opposite hand to collarbone side) alternately 10 times each counting out loud
7) Then keeping your head still look to your left, then right, three times each
8) Now take a nice diaphragmatic breath whilst saying to yourself slowly “I’m okay”.
9) Assess and write down your significant level of discomfort (SUD) between zero and ten.
10) Repeat process until you have the result you require.
If you’d like to learn the BLAST Technique™ and Advanced BLAST Technique™ (which are different from this self-care protocol), go to the BLAST™ Association website www.blast-technique.com or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org for details of future courses.
Nick Davies (Owner & Director of the BLAST™ Association)